Feelings
by hanny-hasy
Summary: Bellatrix and Sirius are feeling alone. Kind of depressing fanfiction about the impossible love between these two characters.


A Harry Potter fanfiction by hanny-hasy

Pairing: Bellatrix x Sirius

Genre: Romance, kind of depressing, not really in the canon universe

**Feelings**

**_~~Bella~~_**

Darkness. Emptyness. Coldness. Everywhere there is wintriness and I feel like I am going to freeze to death. But I live – somehow. Why do I feel that way? I think the cold I feel resembles the emptiness I feel in my heart and in my soul. That's how it is. I am empty, burned out, dead. I am here – but you are not. Where are you? I need you. Come back! Come back, to me! But you don't come. You can't come. Why? It's crazy. I am Bellatrix Lestrange, the most loyal and dangerous death eater in the world. And yet, you hurt me that much. Because of you I die internal and nevertheless, I stay alive. Is this a live worth living? Without meaning and without aim? I don't need it anymore. My feet carry me on and on. I don't know where my feet will walk to. It's all the same to me.

**_~~Sirius~~_**

I sit in my room, inactive and tired. Memories are torturing me. Memories of a person I mustn't think of. She is my death. I'm certain of it. But I don't care. I can't live with or without her. A kiss from her would make me the happiest man on earth. Bella, where are you? Even thinking about your name makes me happy. I get on my feet. I can't sit here for eternity doing nothing. I just want to run. Where to? I don't mind. Maybe my feet will bring me to you. What a lovely thought. I leave my empty house. Certainly, nobody is going to miss me.

**_~~Bella~~_**

I clearly remember when I saw you for the first time. You, with your sassy grin. I pretended to hate you, but I just acted tough. When I saw your eyes, eyes as deep as the ocean, I could drown in them. And your voice- your voice was like a revelation. But this doesn't count anymore. Our worlds are separated. We will never be happy together. I know that. Now I stand on the top of a cliff. The depth is calling me but I hesitate. I don't want to throw me life away, even if it is meaningless. I can't. What? What do my eyes see? Is there anybody out there? I can feel that somebody is coming. Now I see you. Sirius.

**_~~Sirius~~_**

I walked. How long did I walk? I don't know anymore. I lost every feeling for time. In my mind I see your face. I see it like it was in the past, beautiful and flawless. How do you look like now? This question came to my mind too often. And too often I visited you in my dreams. I want to see you. I want you to be with me - now. All of my thoughts revolve around you. Where am I? I see a faint figure. Who might this be? I feel drawn to that person standing on the top of a cliff. Now I can see her face and my heart stops a beat. Bella, I found you.

**_~~Bella~~_**

I see you. It's really you. Slowly, you're coming to me. I see your beautiful, but scarred, face. You came to me. I'm feeling hot and cold. Why are you here? I see confusion in your face, but delight, too. Are you happy to see me? Are you as happy as I am? You're coming nearer and I can't make a move. It's just like a dream. Now you're very close and I can see every feature of you. You changed. The years in Askaban changed you, but me too. I can't describe the feeling I'm feeling now. I experience everything, pure happiness, repressed desire and lust. Now your face is close to mine. I look at you, you look at me.

**_~~Sirius~~_**

You don't look mad, like in the past. Your eyes are wide open and full of surprise. I really missed those eyes. I want to drown in them. Bella, now I'm by your side. I want to be close to you, real close. I want to stay with you forever. You still haven't moved a bit. My face is close to yours'. I can feel your breath on my face. I can smell you, taste you. Still, you don't show any reaction. But I see in your eyes that you like it to be that close to me. Only few centimeters part our lips.

**_~~Bella~~_**

Your lips are touching mine. Carefully, almost shy. It's only a small contact, but I feel like I burst into flames. A fire of pure happiness is enlightened in my body. I can't say if I was ever as happy as I am now. Your lips are soft, warm and gentle and their embracing mime. I forget the world around me. This is what it feels to love. I didn't know what love is, but I know now. This feeling should last forever. You and me - for eternity.

**_~~ Sirius~~_**

When our lips meet, the world seems to stop revolving. I feel complete, happy, almost blessed. You feel warm in my arms. I want to feel you even more, but I notice that you don't want to rush. We have forever. We will be together until doomsday. I promise you. We stand on the top of a cliff. The depth is calling us. Aeon is calling. I made my decision. In this world we can't be together. Our love is impossible. I embrace you fierce. How good it feels to hold you in my arms! I push us off the cliff. You don't fight. You know that we can only be together on the other side. We fly. Like birds. Into the depth. In tight embrace. Death is near, but happiness is even nearer. You and me - forever.

The End -.-

**This fanfiction I wrote 2007 in German. Now I tried to translate it. I hope that there aren't too many mistakes ;)**

**I think that I was really depressed when I wrote this...was kind of shocked by myself.**

**If you liked (or not liked) this story please review! **


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